In a total reversal of last year – I led the Earl of Sussex hockey pool from day one until the beginning of March – by a wide margin with my six forwards including Vancouver’s Sedin twins among the top 10 in our scoring categories – until my entire team went cold and choked down the stretch and faded to third.

With his “secret plans and clever tricks,” the Enormous Crocodile desires to lunch not with but on a nice, juicy child.